MyDirtyLittleDarkSecrets And My JuicyLavishAndFlourishingLife

Tuesday, April 7

Another friend whom i`ve not seen for 10 years tooo.

Found him today.

Yes, FINALLLLLY MAN!! :)

Best Reunion ever!:)

4:35 AM
gimme kisses

Sunday, April 5

Finallly found him after 10 yrs.
He went missing in action and no one knew about his whereabout.

Have been talking abt him wheneva there's a gathering.

Finallly. finalllly.
Looking forward.... to seeyou.
Meantime, takecare while in Taiwan.:)

2:58 AM
gimme kisses

Monday, March 30

27 March 2009

This date marks e biggest n important test in my life.

It was a painful experience.

Since young, i have never loves to see

e sight of needles poking my body.

I mean who likes it right.

Sweetest parent n sis are always there for me. Dad took leave on this day too. Reach kk hospital at 0924am. Waiting n waiting n waiting nervously before it's my turn.

Clock strikes 0937am. Do e necessary administrative stuffs n after that, was told to change into their 'uniform'. I tried to keep myself calm n to prevent my tears frm flowing.

Waited for at least 2 hours n my mum accompanied me n stayed beside me while waiting for my turn to go in.

Clock strikes 1208 noon.

After my mum was told that she could go have a break first, my mum looked at me n asked me to flash a smile for her.

Before i could do so, i couldnt control

and my tears flow down endlessly.:(

Anaesthesia was given to me n other injection was given to me too. Very painful!!!

I swear e injection n medicine were so strong. Doctor tried to say sumting to me but at tt point of time, slightly I could feeel myself numb for 1 to 2 secs. Before i realised, i was already put to sleep.

Three hours plus later, i opened my eye. half open infact.

Loooked at e clock n one of e nurse replied: "your surgery's done." but tt time was feeeling reallly exhausted to look at her n reply her as e anaesthesia's not over yet.

Within seconds, they pulled me out of e operating theatre room n was warded. Suddenly, i vomited crazily. Blood pressure was low. Got another injection to stop me frm vomiting. Thereafter, i was tearing in pain. The pain was incontrollable.

My mum came into e ward n saw me tearing. She holded my hand tight. Teardrop rolled down her cheek too. Given painkillers n i tried to close my eyes n rest.

I will like to thanks all my dear friends who knows about me going for surgery on this date. Thanks for the care n concern. Thanks for the beautiful sms n phonecall from u guys before n after i went in. Thankyou for making an effort to come down to visit me. talk to me. Thanks for showering me with all e loves.

hugs hugs hugs. :)

2:52 AM
gimme kisses

Sunday, March 22

When i`m stilll feeeling super duper low........

I`m so glad that she stood by me.

The care. The concern. The hugs. The loves from you.

My dear girl. No words can xpress how much u meant to me.

Do you knw that despite seeing ya face 2 days ago, i`m still missing you as much now.

9:22 AM
gimme kisses

Saturday, March 14

My Girls at Timbre.

The meet-up was great.

Band and music are fantasticallly awesome too.

At times when u're reallly down and lonely,
nothing beats better than having them by your side.
11 years and still counting.
I love you girls soo much.
Let's have another date sooon ok. :)

Home sweet home late midnite.
Sign into msn n chatted with another awesome friend for 3 hours.
That's crazy.
We shared alot of dirty little dark secrets
and i think our mind think alike.
No wonder we're taurus. :)
But poor him fell down during camp
and was on hospitalisation leave.
Have a speedy recovery boy.
Late night supper with you sooon.
............ Missing you.

5:17 AM
gimme kisses

Tuesday, March 10

In the midst of clearing my stuff,

i've headed a pile of things that are categorised

as 'don't know whether to throw or give away or not'

Things that've been accumulated for many years;

as far back when i reached teenages years.

1. Who gave it to you?

2. Who was that person to you?

3. Who is the person to you?

Then someone said;

" No matter how significant it was, it's already in the past."

We always find ourselves holding onto things.

Sometimes, we hold onto things for so long,

we forget what we were holding onto.

"It's only when we let go of them,

then can we see what we were holding onto!"

11:51 PM
gimme kisses

Monday, March 9

12am

As i listened to the song we once listened together,

I couldn`t control but breakdown again.

Verge of suffocating myself,

As tears juz flowed.

Covered myself tightly,

And teared silently.

1am

At that moment......

I was hoping you could be there for me.

Taking care of me like how you did before.

And be my source of strength and hope.

As i was shivering under my blanket,

I was hoping you could be there for me.

Just like the way you've hug me to sleep,

Giving me all the love and warmth i need.

I hope I pray I wish...

PS: You told me that you hope i could be there

to enjoy the happiness with you.

But.. i reallly do not want to see myself

tear suddenly the moment i'm there.

I wish you could understand how i feeel.

I am sorry......

11:56 PM
gimme kisses

I know I need to be strong,

To forget and to put down things.

But i`m still so so confused.

I don`t know who i can talk to.

To whom i can really reveal my real emotions.

Who can i really confine in?!

1:48 AM
gimme kisses

Monday, March 2

I broke into bitter tears again.

I know i know i know i`m such a crybaby.

Silly silly me.

I juz cant control e emotions in me.

A friend called at work and we chatted....

While chatting, i teared.

I believed this friend called n tried to make me feeel less-down but ironically. i wasnt feeeling this way.

Life've been really super down.

I've tried to look onto e bright side of life.

trying to move on n think less.

................... but... but .. but.. but... but......................

Message for someone:

Actuallly i`ve many things to ask you.

Lots of questions've been flashing into

my mind waiting for you to answer.

I dreamt and think of you too.

All e happy n sweet memories with you.

You know how much i misses your smile.

That one n only smile i`ve been dying to see wheneva i seeyou.

You know how much i want to text you

everyday, every night tellling you that i loveyou?

Asking how do you feel today?

What've u eaten for breakfast, lunch n dinner?

Where've u gone to today?

How's work n studies today?

Any unhappiness incident happened?

If there's, i really wish to be there to gv u a warm hug.

I've so much so much things to ask you

and chatted with you face to face.

But wheneva i took my phone. I changed my mind again.

Then i will start to look at every single texts u sent me.

I can`t bear to delete it too.

That day after you broke e new to me,

I`ve been running awy from e reality.

I don`t know if u`ve sensed that...

Now i`m going to tell you....

U're still someone special in my heart i really realllly

DOTES, LOVES n TREASURES e most.

I really hope u'll just pop by to see what i wrote here.

Although i knw it's really impossible to turn back time now.

At least you get to see n know how i feel in my real heart.

I miss you.....................

12:01 AM
gimme kisses

Sunday, February 22

Because love is a 2 way road.

I`m tired of running this 1 way road myself.

I can`t see the light out of this endless race.

And finally when i take the time to rest and to look down.

It's all bruises all over.

That was when i realised......

that i have neglected myself all these while.

................ I feeel so tired now.

I can`t find that energy to finish the race anymore.

1:34 AM
gimme kisses

Friday, February 20

Weird to say, there's too much on my mind now.

An overwhelming influx of information that it

sort of engulfed my senses with it.

Although there isn`t much personal time

left given the schedule now,

yet every minute and every second,

that omnipresent one seems to be on my mind.

I've been feeeling helpless and lost with my own emotions.

................... that i don`t know what to do with them anymore.

Things seems so simple yet so difficult to settle.

I`m so confused with the whole string

of thoughts running in my mind.

................ that i`m unwillingly to think anymore.

You're still the air i breathe.

Feelings still exist strongly.

I know promises're not forever.

But somehow i wish to believe in the subtle illusion it's.

I wish to believe in you

Wish to believe all's true.

But harsh reality always dashes one dreams.

When you break the new in a beautiful weekday,

I was totally lost of words to say to you.

Thoughts of it happening just hurts me like crazy.

When you ask me whether if it's you.

I answer it's not.

Actually it's not true.

I dare not be true to you.

You meant so much to me.

Deep inside, i really think of you like crazy.

I really love you.

11:58 PM
gimme kisses

Thursday, February 19

The date is confirmed.

I have got no choice now.

I need to go for it.

I am super scared and worried.

I am afraid to see the sight of needles poking my body.

I hate to see myself lying in bed feeling weak.

I hate to see myself tearing every night before i goes to bed

and every morning i wake up.

I have no idea what i can do anymore.

Pray pray pray.

Will i be put to sleep and aftermath, i can't wake up?

Will you miss me if suddenly i`m gone forever?

........... I do. I really do.

11:45 PM
gimme kisses

Things that often look sweet on the surface..

........ are normally the most bitter in within.

3:18 AM
gimme kisses

Wednesday, February 18

I`m so lost in this confusion.

Right or Wrong.

One mistake can crush everyting you have.

I don`t want to make the wrong move.

I really think of you. think of your presence.

Maybe you're long gone away from me?

Are you? Are you?

How i wish Edwin`s here with me right now.

..................... Only he can understand the agony

i`m going through now.

1:11 AM
gimme kisses

Tuesday, February 17

Random?!

I love LiLi.

Despite seeing her last week, i miss seeing her face yet and again. :(

Recent pics

Retarded. hehe

12:15 AM
gimme kisses

Monday, February 16

This's what i feeel now:

Girls're emotional. Guys're not.
Girls think in many different ways. Most guys think in one way. (I meant straight when interpreting situations.)
Girls tend to be sensitive to many small little tiny issues. Guys tend to overlook "less" important issues.
Girls cry over every single issue that breaks their heart. Guys never cry even when the world falls apart.
Girls expect to be placed as first priority. Guys will only place work as their first priority.
Girls expect to be pampered every single second. Guys only pampers when absolutely necessary. (like on the brink of breakup)
Girls can spend millions and zillions of dollars on cosmetics, make up etc. Guys can only spend on electronics, cars and games.
Girls feel the need to be reassured at times. Guys think one reassurance is enough to last a lifetime.

No wonder when it boils down to resolving conflicts and diffferences. Girls and guys can never meet eye to eye.

"Guys come from mars. Girls come from venus."

...................... Highly agreed.

1:21 AM
gimme kisses

Sunday, February 15

very amazed by 'someone' who can reads my mind like a book.

someone who loves to nags and nags and nags at me

but whenever this person nags, i can feel the heart!

everytime i`m down, this 'someone' will go,

'sayang' 'sayang'

hehe

Guess who is the 'someone' i`m referring to?!

loveyouuuuuuuu

*hugs*

1:52 AM
gimme kisses

Saturday, February 14

Love is missing someone whenever you are apart;

but somehow feeeling warm inside

because you are close in heart.

1:40 AM
gimme kisses